Writing my book was one of the hardest things I have done, but it was also a very healing exercise for me.
I have suffered 45 year of sexual, physical and emotional abuse at the hands of the closest men in my life. I was repeatedly raped by my stepfather from the age of four year old until I was sixteen, I lost my virginity at the age of eight and at the age of fourteen I had a miscarriage.
My mother knew about the abuse but did nothing, she also was very abusive toward me. When I got to sixteen, both my mother and stepfather sold me for marriage to a man twelve years older than me, I was a very lonely sad, frightened child and teenager I felt so isolated, my ability to mix with people was very difficult because I was so crippled with fear and unhappiness. Although I smiled all the time it was a pure mask to hide my pain. I found it so hard to let anyone close to me.
I always felt totally inadequate and unworthy of good friendships. I had one daughter in that first marriage she now is twenty seven years old, but our relationship is so damaged. When I got to twenty one, I decided to run away from my husband, I wanted to take my daughter with me but my husband wouldn't let me, (I was going to London from Ireland) he said if I got somewhere to live and a job he would let my daughter come to me in London, but that never happened. Before I left for London he took me to a lawyers office to sign a paper to say I would not take any of his land or money (he was a wealthy farmer) I didn't want any of his money or land so I willing signed the paper, what I didn't know was I signed away my daughter.
I met and fell in love with a man eighteen years my senior. He was a very sexy rock star type looking man who swept me totally off my feet, I was in total awe of him. We moved to London and within a short time he became very controlling and physically abusive toward me. I became quit terrified of him and his control, within a very short time I was completely dependent on him. I had four children in this marriage, two of whom were born with special needs, my second son has aspergers syndrome, and my youngest daughter was born with mild right hemiplegia. The violence and control continued for twenty five years before I plucked up the courage to leave the abuse behind. Before I left I was a quivering wreck, I was staying in bed to keep out of my husbands way, I become all most totally reclusive, eaten up by a dark deep depression of fear and despair.
I heard an add on the local radio for domestic violence the slogan was "don't suffer in silence". I finally picked up the phone and made a call It was the best call I have ever made. I started to have counselling sessions at the unit and discovered for the first time in my life that none of the abuse I was suffering was my fault as I had believed for all my life. I slowly, slowly started to come to realise so much about my self and my life. I decided to leave my abusive husband behind and get out of the house for my own safety, I begged my children to come, but my children wanted to stay in the family home, my husband and told them many untruths about me to keep them in the house and turn them against me. This was a just a very traumatic time, I thought I would die of a broken heart.
When I left the family home I was followed and intimidated by my husband he was still terrifying me. My children by this time had also become quite abusive toward me under the direction of their father. I got an offer to go to a beautiful log cabin just outside London for 6 months which I felt was something I needed to do. I tearfully left Ireland and went to London, I thought I was going out of my mind the pain of not having my children was almost more than I could bare. I have lost my home that I had worked so hard for and my business that I had built up for 25 years, all I had were 7 small boxes of personal belongings. I many times thought of ending my life, unable to deal with this terrible pain of the realization of all the abuse I had suffered and of all I had lost all I had worked for for so many years.
I decided I would write, I would write for all I was worth, I sat at my computer and wrote my life story, I wrote it from my heart and with honesty and openness, writing my book bought back very painful memories but it was something I knew I had to do. By chance I got introduced to a publisher who after reading a few pages of my book said she wanted to publish me. I had no idea of anything like this when I started writing - all I knew was I wanted to get my story down, to get published was just a dream come true. Then after writing my book, I came back to Ireland. It has been difficult to get myself established again but I am getting there. I have sold over 10,000 copies of my book in the first three months since its release. I now have a great relationship with my children and I work very hard on building on this.
I tour Ireland and I talk about my life experiences. As painful and as traumatic a s my life has been, I now live abuse free, I am a free as a bird, and nothing in this world can compare to this feeling, I want to share my story of love hope and survival, in a bid to help as many men, women and children as I can in the world to realise that no matter how long you have been abused, no matter how bad it was you can rebuild your life, you can find the power within to break free from pain. if you hold onto the pain you allow your abuser to still have power over you. I now teach people how to move from pain to power.
DID YOU HEAR ME CRYING
Cassie Moore’sstory is a powerful,true tale ofsurvivalthrough 45 years of Sexual, Physical and
Emotional Abuse.
Hers is a book that should never have needed to be written, let alone experienced.
Published worldwide on 25 November, the International Day for the Elimination o f
Violence Against Women, by Live It Publishing.
The World Health Organisation estimates that up to 40 million children are abused
every year. Millions of these children will go through life without help. Many will
continue to be abused throughout their lifetimes. Some will commitsuicide and some
will, in turn, become abusers themselves.
According to Women’s Aid, at least 1 in 3 women (i.e. up to one billion women) has
been beaten, coerced into sex, or otherwise abused in her lifetime. A staggering 40‐
70% of women murdered worldwide are killed by their current or former boyfriend or
husband. “Abuse is classless.” It affects every sector of society.
In her memoir, Did You Hear Me Crying, Cassie Moore gives a very open and honest
description of how she suffered and survived a lifetime of abuse. She describes:
The sexual, physical and emotional abuse she suffered at the hands of her Stepfather and Mother, who
then sold her for marriage at the age of 16 to a wealthy farmer
The heartbreak she suffered when she naively left her 22 month old baby girl behind when she fled to
London with the man she fell in love with, only to be abused by him for a further 23 years
The selfloathing, depression and despair she felt before she took the brave steps to walk away
The heartache of losing her 4 other children, her home and her business when she made the break and
left the abuse behind
How she is picking up the pieces of herlife and looking to the future
“Cassie Moore’s book is a very powerful and moving story. The abuse she was subjected to is so stark and
horrible, but her strength shines through, the book tellsso much about abuse and how difficult it isto leave, but
it also has such a powerful message.”—Women’s Aid Ireland
Cassie Moore live sin Ireland and is available for interviews and signings in Ireland and the UK. For more information please contact the Live It Publishing PR Team at info@liveitpublishing.com.
Proceeds from Did You Hear Me Crying benefit Women's Aid Ireland, Barnardos Ireland and CARI Ireland.
