A Year in Review - My Story (Part 1)

This post chronicles the past year for me, and will be followed in the new year by a segment on my blog titled: My Story. Women will share their stories about how they got out of their tough situations and are finding happiness. It will all tie in with my Man of the Month Calendar for Charity, and you'll understand the reason I chose the charity I did. All stories, including mine, will remain anonymous to protect the innocent. None of us want pity. We are strong. We are warriors. We don't just survive - we live. We also want others to know they are not alone.

A Year in Review

Becoming a single mother hadn’t been in the life plan. But neither was the way we had been living. Free now from a lot of the things in my life that held me back, free from the strain of the daily tension of our marriage, I know my freedom was hard fought and won. I did everything I knew how to do to keep things together, but when it was over, I knew to let go. 

When I look over the past year, I realize how far I’ve come. Last Christmas was a horrible time as we kept our separation secret until the New Year. But really, it had been over for nearly two months. Armed only with the firm belief that anything had to be better, I took off the ring and pushed onward, not knowing what tomorrow would bring, not knowing how to do any of it, or how the children and I would fare. Thankfully, a friend recommended a good lawyer. The first time I met with him, I cried the entire meeting. The second meeting, not a single tear shed. Now several months later, the other day I ripped open the divorce petition I received in the mail with enthusiasm. It’s amazing what a year can do.

During the first few months, I focused on enjoying life. I needed to stop worrying, I needed to get out, I needed to be with friends. I needed escape. So, I did that in various ways, shapes and forms. When you’ve been in a long-term relationship, you’re not sure how “desirable” you are anymore. I quickly learned men found me appealing. Just as fast, I learned not all men are honourable. Receiving emails that read, “I want to lick your pussy,” or “Here’s my number—I’ll text you a picture of my package,” was a bit of a shock to me. Sure, I’m an admitted flirt, and I’m nice to people, but it was a jolt to the system to realize how far someone could read into something that wasn’t there. Just as shocking was how angry men could get when I put them in their place. Funny—last time I checked, I still had the right to say no. And you want to know something else? I have yet to grace the pages of a dating site. Don't get me wrong - I didn't go out and have a bunch of one night stands or anything. These were just people I met. Nice, huh?

I also discovered that not all men were despicable. My true friends never strayed from helping me navigate the minefield of idiots I waded through. Giving me a male perspective when I needed one, they taught me to be tough, stand up for myself, and not let some asshole get to me. I hope they know who they are. Not all of the decisions I made in the last few months have been stellar. I take responsibility for my choices. But I’ve done the best I could at any given time. Needless to say, I learned a lot.  

Like most women, free of an old relationship, I figured I'd set out to find another one. But lo and behold, I balked at the very idea. I was content to be free to do whatever I wanted on my own time when the kids didn’t need me. Being alone isn’t bad. I go to the theatre alone, eat in restaurants alone, shop alone, and basically enjoy alone time for the first time in 13 years, especially when the kids see their dad. I relish the quiet which is not something I’ve had since I had children. Being happy with my own company for the first time in my life is a wonderful thing.

Out of the blue one day, I found myself wanting to be in a relationship. Well, Christ almighty -- how do I do that? I still have issues. I swore I’d never say the words, “I need you” to a man again. And that terrifying feeling of “falling” for someone? Whoa Nelly! The only thing I ask for is — patience. I’ll get there. But I built up a few walls I need to knock down. Yeah, you heard me right—I need to knock them down. It’s not for some man to come along and crumble the walls of my defences. One step at a time, I’ll trust again. I’m not asking someone to be perfect, so don’t expect me to be.

I would say I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life, despite crying more in the past few months than I ever have in my life and that’s saying something! I cry when I see puppies, babies, have to say good-bye to a friend, watch an inspiring video, or when my kids say something that tells me how much they appreciate me. I’m a crier. I admit it. It’s how I release stress, show joy, and it's an important part of my emotional repertoire.

Odd that since I’m feeling less stressed about relationship issues I should need to cry. I'm a positive person. I see the good in myself and other people. But the reality is that for a long time, there were things that happened to me during my marriage I had to get over, push aside, and didn’t always have time to deal with. Now everything is coming to the forefront. I can’t ignore it anymore, and the more I face it, the faster I will heal. This is the reason for my post “A Year in Review”.  In the New Year, it will be followed by a segment titled: “My Story”. I’ve been fortunate to meet other women who have left difficult situations. I am humbled when these warriors share their stories with me. But if I expect others to be brave enough to tell their story, then I have to find the courage to tell mine. 

Right now, I’d say have everything I’ve ever wanted in my life. It may not be exactly as I’d envisioned it, but when you ask, the universe answers. And I’m smart enough to see I got what I asked for.